Why Doesn’t She Leave?
Why doesn’t she run away? Why doesn’t she try and escape? Why do victims stay? These are questions we are asked frequently, and it is understandable why you would question this if you do not have a full grasp of the manipulation and trauma associated with trafficking. While the answer to the question varies between situations these will give you an idea of the types of tactics these pimps/traffickers use to maintain control over their victims.
Isolation and breaking ties with any support system
The more the predator can create a feeling that the victim must rely on them, the better control they will have. This could look like the following:
- Taking all the victim’s money so the pimp/trafficker is relied upon for everything.
- Forcing the victim to back them up on some illegal activity in order to be able to hold it over their head if they try and leave.
- Moving a victim to another city or state, creating a separation from their family and friends.
Creating fear if she leaves him
This tactic often has a fear of violence or harm against the victim attached to it. The victim stays in order to avoid what their pimp/trafficker is threatening. These threats may have been reinforced at some point if the victim saw one of these threats played out with another victim or has been on the receiving end of a violent act herself.
- Making it known that the victim won’t get any money or support from the pimp/trafficker is she tries to leave; she would be homeless and poor.
- Convincing the victim that he’d find her wherever she tried to run too.
- Threatening to kill her or someone she loves if she tries to leave.
Making her doubt her capability and sanity
The more you hear something, even if it is a lie, the more you start to believe it. Pimp/traffickers bank on that and the basic physical necessities a person needs to survive and function on a normal level. This could include:
- Keeping the victim awake at night, the more sleep deprived she is the easier she is to control.
- Playing mind games and convincing her she is crazy.
- Consistently telling her she is ugly, no one would want her, or she is just a prostitute now no one will ever love her.
Convincing her that he deserves another chance
Often in a Romeo Pimp situation a victim doesn’t identify as a victim, they believe they are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with their pimp/trafficker. This type of predator may use the following tactics to keep her around:
- Promising to change his ways.
- Blaming the abuse on stress.
- Promising to go to counseling but never following through.
Victims report being coached frequently on what to say if stopped by a police officer or questioned by a medical professional. Their trafficker will often run up their credit, purchase cars or rent apartments in their name making it harder for them to escape. Some may go as far as having a child with the victim in order to maintain complete control.
In the Romeo Pimp situation the victim often feels shame or self-blame for allowing this person into their life. They feel the situation they are trapped in is a consequence of their choices. Victims in this type of situation often form a trauma bond with their exploiter and may have deep loyalties and positive feelings toward their trafficker [source].
In all trafficking situations complex trauma occurs that can be persistent and devastating. Trauma effects the body on every level, it removes the ability to self-regulate which then interferes with a victim’s perception and cognitive ability [source]. Trauma is experienced not only from the interactions with their pimp/trafficker but with every sexual encounter the victim experiences. It is reported that if a victim is sold online via an escort site, they will see on average 10 buyers a day [source]. The trauma associated with just one day in “the life” is hard to comprehend, let alone years.
The most important thing to remember if speaking with a victim or someone you may think is a victim of trafficking is the fact that they don’t feel safe. Between the trauma associated with their situation and the manipulation of their pimp /trafficker their ability to feel safe is gone. This must be addressed before anything else can be.
Why doesn’t she run away? She may not know where to go, she may not know what town she is in, he may have her child with him.
Why doesn’t she try and escape? She is probably scared to death for her life and her trauma is deeper than you can imagine.
Why do victims stay? She has been told she is worthless, and no one will want her, she is scared of what will happen if she tries.